


Dirty Like I'll Miss You

by happilyappled



Series: Dirty Verse [7]
Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Anal Sex, Blow Job, Emotional Sex, M/M, bottom!Gerard, hyper!Frank, mechanic!Gerard, teenagers in high school who like to fuck a lot, teenagers in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-21
Updated: 2012-09-21
Packaged: 2017-11-14 18:14:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/518113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happilyappled/pseuds/happilyappled
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>#7: Gerard and Frank are going to different colleges. This is their goodbye for a few months.<br/>And it's not going to be easy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dirty Like I'll Miss You

**Author's Note:**

> NEW STORY for the Dirty!verse. It has never been posted before. Enjoy.

Gerard's looking through the tiny basement bedroom window. He spent the whole afternoon in his room, tidying up and cleaning, following his mother's instructions. There are things missing, as they've already been taken to his dorm, things like his computer and games, his mini stereo and CDs, some of his clothes and other every-day utilities. There is more stuff packed in boxes, books and DVDs and art supplies, all ready to be taken to New York on Sunday. Gerard is going too, since he has to attend his first college meeting on Monday morning. It's both exciting and terrifying.

He's just thinking about it, eyes fixed on the street outside, and he can also feel his heart beating fast. There are conflicting emotions building up inside him, the motivation to go to college and an impulse to stay with Frank, but he already struggled with that the whole summer. Gerard sighs, completely aware that life always moves on and now it's time to accept it.

A knock on the door startles him and he turns around to it, as Frank walks in with a smile adorning his face. Gerard smiles back, he always does; it's impossible to resist the urge of smiling back whenever he sees Frank.

Frank is here with his mother and her boyfriend, Clive, for one last dinner together before they go to college. Gerard's grandmother is in the house too, and apparently her cat has also been invited, because the animal walks in after Frank and settles down by the door. Gerard glares at it, because he hates cats, and he can't help but think that Ms. Puss is sitting there creeping at them, _judging_ them.

He looks back at Frank when he comes closer and asks, "You've got everything ready?"

Gerard starts to shrug, but he sighs instead, although it's not exactly a sad reaction. "I think so. Hi, Frank."

"Hello." Frank smiles wider and approaches Gerard even more, reaching out for him. They kiss, briefly, and it's as good as usual, but something doesn't feel right when they pull away.

Gerard's chest feels constricted and Gerard swallows hard, looking at Frank's face in silence. There's sadness mixed with the love in his eyes, and Gerard is glad Frank doesn't hide them from him. It shows how much they trust each other, because Gerard has always talked to Frank about how he felt. That's why he also says, "I feared for this day."

"Don't think about that, baby." Frank shushes him and calls him 'baby' again, before closing his eyes and kissing Gerard's mouth. Gerard lets it all go and slides his lips against Frank's, at first smoothly, then prying them open with his tongue deepening the kiss. He feels Frank's arms slip around his neck tightly and moves his around Frank's torso, bringing him closer.

He feels Frank there in all his essence, Frank's body against his, Frank's mouth taking his, Frank's soul bare before his. It makes Gerard tighten his grip on him, like he wants to create a physical bond between them, one that is never going to break, no matter the distance. And the fact that Frank lets himself be held like that and hugs Gerard just as tight rushes Gerard's heartbeat and makes him vacillate.

"I can't wait for tonight," Frank says quietly, smiling gently against Gerard's neck. He knows what Frank means. Tonight they're going to be alone for the very last time, as tomorrow Frank will leave Gerard's house early to catch his flight to Florida. It should be a very emotional night, but personally Gerard can't wait either. He wants to be alone with Frank.

Frank is leaning closer again, his eyes closed, a grin on his face, but Gerard can only feel the blood pounding in his ears. He's nervous about tonight and tomorrow and the rest of his days until December, when he comes back home from college, for his Christmas break. He can't help it. He doesn't want to go without Frank.

Then the loud knock on the door interrupts his thoughts and he looks in its direction. His grandmother smiles at them. "Your mother's asking for you, Frank," she says in her normal voice. Frank nods.

Gerard walks after Frank, ready to go upstairs as well, but his grandmother grabs his arm and pulls him back. He protests a little, but shuts up and blinks at her when she closes the bedroom door. They're alone now, except for the cat that remains sniffing all the boxes and rubbing its body against the edges of every single one.

"What?" Gerard turns his attention back to his grandmother.

"I wanna talk to you," she says, sitting down on the bed. Gerard keeps standing, looking at her, gulping when she speaks again. "What's going on?"

Gerard blinks at her, not really understanding what she wants him to say. She's sitting on his bed, after having made sure they're alone in there, and stares at him, waiting for something. "What do you mean?"

"Oh, c'mon, Gerard, it's not that hard to see that something's wrong. Why don't you tell me what it is?" she asks. Gerard swallows, not ready for what his answer might be. Sure, he hasn't been the happiest person around for some time, but he had no idea it was that obvious. He's been trying to act normal. "You haven't been yourself the whole summer."

Gerard sighs. It's his grandmother, after all; she knows him better than anyone. She figured him out, so what's the use of lying? He sits by her side and starts opening up to her.

"I know it's inevitable, that going to college means being away from Frank, and it hurts. Horribly. Every single time I see him, it hurts, especially when I can see that he's hurting too. But I'm also terrified," he admits, then pauses to breathe. His grandmother's eyes bear into his harshly and his heart keeps beating frantically, as his thoughts swim around, confusing. He tries to organize them.

"I mean, what's gonna happen in New York? I have no idea what to expect of college, what it'll be like, how I'll fit in; there are no answers. I'm not even sure I have the right questions. I wanna go; it's my dream, _our_ dream, Grandma. I've wanted this for so long, but now that I'm actually going, it's freaking me out. What if I suck at it? How do I know how to behave in college? How do I know how to — I dunno. I'm scared." Gerard looks down at his hands.

"And Frank?" she wants to know. "Are you that insecure because he won't be there?"

"I guess. I've been with him every day for the past couple of years, and from now on he won't be there. It's like going back in time to when I didn't know him, when I sucked at being social or even, fuck, aware of how the world spins," he says. It's pretty much a confession about how much Frank has changed him, how Frank has taught him that life is _good_ , come what may.

"I'm happy with him. I wasn't happy before; I was angry at everything, including myself. Frank changed me, Grandma," he continues. His grandmother nods along with these words, because they have talked about this before and Gerard knows her opinion on the matter. "I have no idea how I'll feel when we're apart."

She's smiling at Gerard. It starts making him feel uncomfortable, because he's finished speaking and she should say something back. And eventually she does, grabbing a hold of his hand. "You're madly in love with him and it's okay to be afraid. College will be a big change in your life, but it's not supposed to be a bad thing. I'm sure you'll be fine. It'll be easier when you learn something new, when you figure out that you're as strong without him as with him. It comes from inside you. Frank helped bring it out, sure, but it's always been about you. Never forget that."

Gerard smiles at her, thankful for her kind words. This doesn't exactly make him feel better, but it's comfortable to know that she understands. She always has, anyway. It's also reassuring to feel the way she's touching Gerard's cheek so tenderly, staring into his eyes and letting him know that she's there for him. He says, "Thank you, Grandma."

She pats his face and smiles. "I didn't do anything. Let's go upstairs, dinner must be almost ready."

**

Dinner goes by quickly with the Way family and their guests sitting around the table in the dining room, which they only use when they've got guests. Chatter fills the air, everybody talking about college and everything related, but Gerard and Frank remain silent throughout the meal. Sometimes they share a glance or two.

After Gerard came back upstairs with his grandmother, she joined the cooking and the two boyfriends were left alone in a corner of the living room. While Gerard's father and Clive commented on the Sports channel, they sat on the floor and talked. Gerard told Frank what he'd said to his grandmother and Frank was answering Gerard's questions of how he truly felt about going to college. Still Frank kept his answers short and inconclusive, turning the air between them a little tense.

Gerard just wanted to know the truth because he'd been honest with Frank about how he felt about his future in college and their relationship. It was hard to be treated like this, to be put down because Frank refused to talk to him openly about his feelings. They had shared pretty much everything so far, and it wasn't fair to stop that before they were apart. But then again, maybe Frank felt as bad as Gerard and thought Gerard would understand just by agreeing with his words.

If that's the case, it's going to be a very long night, just them and their awkward feelings before Frank's mother picks him up the next morning.

That is suddenly the subject at the table and, when Gerard realizes that, he chokes on his food. His grandmother, by his side, is the first to his assistance, patting his back until he finds his breath again. "Are you alright?"

"Not really," he replies, sincerely. "Can we talk about something else? All this college and Florida talk is freaking me out."

That's the end of any conversation until the meal is over.

After the kitchen is clean, everybody goes to the living room. Gerard's father and Clive have been sitting on the couch for a while, Gerard's grandmother and Mikey are watching a talk show, Gerard and Frank are sitting together on the floor, hand in hand, and their mothers are the last ones to emerge from the other room. Frank's mother calls out for him. "We're going now."

Frank nods and gets up, and Gerard follows him. They're both taking Frank's mother to the door, as well as Clive. He's the first out the door, just wishing them all a good night and standing by his car as Frank's mother says to him, "I'll pick you up in the morning."

Frank starts nodding, but Gerard practically begs her, "Please, don't come too early." Next to him, Frank remains silent, but squeezes Gerard's hand.

She doesn't reply. She just smiles and leans in to peck Frank's cheek. "I'll see you tomorrow."

She turns around and leaves, and Gerard looks at Frank, but his face is expressionless. Maybe he's thinking about what they can do on their last night together. Gerard sure is and closes the door when the car strolls down the driveway.

This is it. Their last night is about to begin.

"You wanna go downstairs for the rest of the night?" Gerard asks Frank, a whisper against his ear, followed by a hidden kiss in his hair. He has waited the whole evening to ask this question, wanting to spend this night away from everyone but Frank. It will be a very special one and he wants it filled with only the best memories.

They say goodnight to everybody in the living room, Gerard crossing gazes with his grandmother who is looking quite sadly at him, and head downstairs. Gerard goes first, opening the basement door and starting to descend the stairs, but then Frank is right there behind him and holding Gerard's arm. When they reach the bottom of the stairs, Gerard turns around and finds Frank's face easily, a shadow of bewilderment in his eyes. It worries him, because he's kind of in panic himself. It's the beginning of the end.

Gerard grasps Frank's hand in his and pulls him close, wrapping one arm around his shoulders and walking them to his bedroom. This is their last night together after two years of being friends and boyfriends. The thought makes Gerard's heart race yet again, but this time he's holding Frank's hand and that makes everything a little better.

"I'm so glad you're here."

"I wouldn't trade this for the world," Frank replies, squeezing his hand.

In the bedroom, Gerard turns the bedside lamp on while Frank closes the door. At first, they only stand there facing each other in silence. It's always so damn satisfying to look at Frank and drink in those features that infatuated Gerard very early in their friendship. He looks so calm now, all that usual love in his eyes. It's pretty clear how Gerard can read it, from practice and because he feels the same. There is still a touch of sadness in them, but nothing that can't be fixed.

Gerard brings his hands up Frank's arms, to his shoulders and around his neck, not smiling because he's concentrating so hard, and leans in to kiss his lips.

"Alone at last, baby," Frank whispers right before their mouths connect. He puts his hands around Gerard's hips and lets them kiss, lips tangling, noses to the side, Gerard's eyes closed.

Their arms don't move for a long time, the two young men enjoying each other for a while, tasting and savoring. It fills Gerard with satisfaction, which he hasn't felt in some time, especially through the summer. It's been full of distress and anxiety, and a deep will to be with Frank for as long as he can.

Now that they are together for the last time, it feels good to be kissing Frank in peace and with that soft breathing against his cheek. There is a bad thought in the back of his mind, the idea of not seeing Frank until Christmas, but he shakes it off by pressing harder into the kiss. He pulls Frank closer and flicks his tongue inside the other's mouth.

After a while, Frank pulls away and brings Gerard's hands down to get them closer to the bed. He also says, using that low, clearly touchy-feely voice, "Hey, I hope this doesn't come out wrong, but can we stop thinking about everything for the night?"

"If you mean stop thinking about going to college in different states," Gerard starts, leaving tiny pecks across Frank's face. His skin is so soft and his hands roam across Gerard's back in a soothing movement that makes Gerard conclude his thought. "I'm all for it. I've been thinking about it too much for the whole summer."

"Good." Frank smiles and leans in, catching Gerard's mouth gently, but tugging on his lips with fervor.

Gerard moves his hands to his face and leans his torso forward in a dangerous angle. They're so close, their chests touching. He's ready to let his mind loose and give himself to Frank completely, body and soul combined like it has always been. It turns everything hot and heavy, with Frank using his tongue everywhere and Gerard licking at Frank's mouth intently, craving for his taste and his passion. Gerard fists at Frank's hair to deepen the kiss, making Frank moan first. This has been Gerard's intention since the very beginning, to give Frank some pleasure and make him forget.

He pushes Frank gently so that he lies on the bed, still kissing him, stopping for a second to not fall off and kissing him again. Sometimes he pauses to get some air, doing it over and over again, while getting on his hands and knees over Frank's lain form. Frank gets him unexpectedly and pulls Gerard down on top of him. Gerard moans.

Their movements are soft at first, but Gerard pulls back from the kiss to grind hard against Frank's crotch, making him gasp. They move together, Frank's hands on Gerard's ass, Gerard's forehead on Frank's, while they breathe heavily. They're getting hard quite easily as the friction intensifies.

Quickly, it becomes old moves. Gerard stops all of a sudden and pecks Frank's lip, getting up. He feels Frank's eyes on him as he walks to the closet, taking a random handful of condoms and lube sachets. He notices that their stash is quite reduced since Frank went crazy for his birthday.

Behind him, there are sounds of a belt and denim and turns around to find Frank getting his pants off his feet. He puts the items on the nightstand while Frank stops to stare at him and beckons him closer. He obeys, kneeling on the bed. Frank asks him funnily, "You plan on using them all?"

"If you want," Gerard replies teasingly. They don't exactly use condoms for safety, being exclusive and never having been with anybody else, but it doesn't mean that they don't care about comfort. The rubber makes the sex easier to have and to control, physically speaking.

They take the longest time removing each other's clothes, always in silence, Gerard kissing Frank's mouth as soon as he takes his T-shirt off. Frank's boxer briefs go next and then, Frank is naked in front of him. Gerard doesn't want to intimidate him, the way he had felt yesterday at the garage when he was almost in the nude and Frank was all dressed up, so he starts pulling his own T-shirt over his head.

Frank takes Gerard's jeans off next, slowly and teasingly, always staring at Gerard intensely. Then he moves his hands to Gerard's hips and pulls, hard enough for Gerard to lose his balance. He falls on the bed with both hands and grins at Frank, until he keeps pulling and pushing and Gerard lies on the mattress, on his back. Frank mouths at his shoulder, collarbone and neck, and Gerard likes it, expressing it through a moan.

Frank hums in delight and removes Gerard's briefs. He mouths at Gerard's skin sensually and gropes his thighs, making him moan, making him shiver. Gerard's hands are all over Frank's chest and hips and cock, and Frank's hands are lost in the same way, both hard and sweating and wanting. The only thing Gerard can think of saying is, "Come here, Frank."

"Not yet. I've got something else on my mind," Frank says mysteriously, and Gerard doesn't really understand what he means until Frank gets on his knees between Gerard's legs. He's moving his open palms over Gerard's thighs, looking quite hungrily at Gerard's dick and then it hits Gerard. He knows where this is going.

"Ooh, that sounds so fucking dirty right now," Gerard says, grinning. He relaxes on the bed, shifting the pillows so they are both under his head. He wants to see Frank going down on him, because Frank has always been a god to his dick.

Gerard prefers when he feels less vulnerable, when he's not lying in bed and Frank practically hovers over him, but this is comfortable enough. He can still see as Frank molds his lips around his hard dick and sucks the tip in just right. Frank has always known how to do this. It's nothing new for him.

That's why Gerard looks down while biting his lip, anticipating the sensations of Frank's lips and tongue and throat. It makes Gerard moan, controlled by all the sensations and Frank tugging at his balls. Sometimes Frank looks up and meets his eyes which intensifies every second of this blowjob, but the most beautiful parts are when Frank focuses on going down on his dick. When he deep-throats, when he moves faster or makes Gerard buck up and choke him.

Soon enough, just by tugging on his sack and swallowing, Frank has Gerard coming, bucking up and spurting into his mouth. He can't hold it in any longer. He can barely warn Frank with a moan. Frank's eyes screw shut and his mouth hangs open, waiting for Gerard's load, in the obscene way Gerard has seen several times on him. Then he's completely spent, moaning low and breathing heavy, gripping onto Frank's hair.

Frank makes a weird noise when he pulls away, which would have made Gerard laugh if the situation was different. He pulls Frank back on top of him when he sees the direction of his hand: the nightstand. He kisses Frank's mouth quickly, grasps his dick and squeezes, seeing a condom and two sachets of lube suddenly on his hand. Then he just watches as Frank opens one and spreads Gerard's legs apart with his knees.

Frank preps him thoroughly as his hungry eyes shift between Gerard's face and his crotch, as Gerard holds back every moan and watches Frank intently. He always looks so beautiful with that concentrated frown up on his brow and the seriousness in his eyes, focused on what his hands are doing. When he pauses, Gerard moves to put the condom on Frank and lube him up, lying back down afterwards.

"Ready?" Frank asks, finding Gerard's gaze with his serious eyes.

"Always." Gerard brushes his lips against Frank's, looking down at their middles. His cock is still limp over his stomach, but he's comfortable with the thought of what Frank is about to do. It will certainly trigger him back up.

He takes a pillow from under his head, to fold it and put it beneath his lower back. The angle will make it better, and he reads the same happiness in Frank's face. Meanwhile, Frank moves between his legs and grabs Gerard's feet, to wind them around his hips. Gerard squeezes him there, making Frank moan, and his feet are a cross against Frank's bare back. It's very intimate, especially the moans that follow with the touch of Frank's erect cock against his ass.

Gerard feels Frank lining himself up and closes his eyes to inhale the silence that comes with that. He curls his toes in anticipation and he feels a little hard already, but he waits. He moans to encourage Frank, but at first, Gerard feels only the tip. Then the head. There is a moment of hesitation and then Frank thrusts forward and pushes in, all the way quite swiftly. Gerard gasps.

"Sorry! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to — I didn't, I swear!" Frank says in a heap of words, not moving anymore except to caress Gerard's hips and kiss his face.

Gerard smiles and looks at him. "It's okay, I was just surprised. Don't stop now."

Frank sighs, pulls out a little, then pushes in again. This time he moves carefully, his cock sliding inside slowly. He's lying properly on top of Gerard, chest to chest, and kissing Gerard's mouth, and moving his hands to Gerard's ass. The next sounds they make are moans.

Gerard feels so full of Frank when he stops pushing in and they are so close, with Gerard's legs around Frank, as their lips meet in another kiss. It's sweet, just the two of them in the silent, half-lit bedroom, as intimate as it can get. Upon breaking the kiss, Frank touches Gerard's face and smiles, an honest expression on his features, which makes Gerard grin.

He slides his hands up Frank's back, down his arms and around his torso. The movement pulls them further together, their bodies entangled against the sheets, and their mouths connect. Only this time, the magic is overpowered by their hunger, their mute craving for pleasure and Gerard breaks the kiss to look down at his hard cock.

Gerard realizes he can't feel the pillow anymore, but he ends up moving in unison with Frank. Frank thrusts into Gerard and it's rather satisfying, his movements rather tender in this last night. They're kissing too, touching each other, in this perfect, private moment that they share.

When it's over, there's one final kiss, but afterwards they move in autopilot. Frank pulls out and off Gerard, removes the condom and gets up to put it away in the trashcan behind the door. Gerard stays in bed, but reaches out for the nightstand drawer and grabs the baby wipes to clean himself up. He does the same to Frank when he comes back to bed and their faces remain serious.

Gerard kind of feels like talking, but Frank hasn't said a word after the sex, not even calling him baby, so Gerard doesn't want to ruin anything by speaking. Maybe Frank doesn't need words, or doesn't know what to say. Gerard kisses Frank softly to let him know that that's alright. Gerard caresses his face, smiling, before Frank says, "Let's go to bed, baby."

Gerard smiles at the sound of that special word coming from Frank's mouth. It's something so private and so much of the Frank not many people get to see, if any at all apart from Gerard. Frank can be so sweet to him that Gerard can only fall in love with that affectionate mood every time it surfaces. 

"Okay," Gerard says, moving to open the bed and throw the covers back. They slide together between the cold sheets, Frank embracing Gerard while he fumbles with one hand for the light switch and flicks it off.

They keep each other company in the silence, in the dark, breaking the silence only with their breathing. Gerard lies there with his eyes closed and imagines Frank's form by his side, turned to him, his kind eyes and soft smile, so beautiful and unique. Just for Gerard.

**

When Gerard comes to again, it's to a sudden beam of light coming into the bedroom. It hurts his eyes when he opens them, so he takes some time to get used to the light, but then he feels the bed shift behind him. Frank opened the blinds and is coming back to bed. Gerard turns around to the other side of the bed.

Two arms wrap around his head and a fresh mouth kisses his. Gerard flinches away.

"It's okay," Frank's voice says and Gerard lets himself be kissed. It's not too deep, just a light peck, a mere morning greeting.

Gerard concentrates as Frank's form lies beside him and settles under the bedding again. It's their last morning together, their last intimate moment before college. He brings his nose to Frank's ear and smells him there, inhales that scent that will soon be just another memory. Breathing out heavily in a soundless sob, Gerard opens his eyes sorrowfully. With his nose under Frank's ear, he waits for the end.

Fortunately, Frank's lips come first. They touch his forehead and make Gerard smile. Frank is still here, he's still his, and Gerard hums in approval of how close they are. He looks up and sees Frank's bed hair; Frank looks so good. He finds Frank's eyes, loving, but they're watering a bit. He asks, "What time is it?"

"Time to give you some loving," Frank replies in a low voice, like time doesn't matter to them anymore. They're together, at least, and Gerard agrees with him. So he lets Frank kiss his forehead and temple and cheek, before getting to his mouth again. It's the only thing that matters, their lips entangled and tongues rubbing together, while Gerard pulls Frank on top of him. They make out for a long moment until Frank starts pressing down on Gerard's morning wood. Gerard welcomes it and bites on Frank's tongue, but pulls away to look at him.

Panting, he pushes Frank away and says, "I love you."

"I know, baby." A new kiss is born and, the next time they pull away, Gerard goes for a condom from the nightstand.

He gives it to Frank, who pushes the bed covers back and sits on his hips to pull it on. Gerard gets some lube next. Frank moans and moves in between Gerard's thighs, accommodating himself and getting more lube.

Frank puts a pillow under Gerard's back and Gerard spreads his legs further apart with his eyes wide enough to drink in the sight of Frank. He preps Gerard quickly this time and Gerard is breathing rather heavily, but begging for more every few seconds. He's definitely eager for this and wants everything to be perfect.

When Frank pulls his fingers out, Gerard watches him as he pushes the covers over them, covering his back and shielding Gerard to his torso. In this warm ambiance, Frank lines up his cock and pushes in carefully. He goes all the way to the hilt, slow, paced, brushing Gerard's spot. Frank makes it worth every second of impatience, while he spreads new kisses across Gerard's face and brings one hand to Gerard's ass. Gerard loves it so much that there's a lump in his throat, keeping all of his moans inside, no matter how much he wants to cry out in pleasure. Frank's thrusts are slow but effective, and Gerard squeezes Frank's shoulders.

"Is it good?" Frank asks, but Gerard can't find the right words to answer him. He just squeezes harder and traps Frank's hips against him with one leg. "Do you like it, baby?"

Gerard moans at last when Frank hits his spot again. He drags it out as much as he can to express the pleasure and wordlessly convince Frank to keep moving in that angle. Faster and harder will be great, too. Gerard brings his other leg around Frank, keeping him in place and moaning louder at the increase on Frank's pace. 

Gerard can see Frank smiling down at him. Frank squeezes Gerard's ass with every thrust and Gerard pecks Frank's lips with every exhale. It becomes hotter and sexier, and the only thing that matters is the sex they're having. It's a little more romantic and sad, but still good as always.

Gerard is seriously annoyed by the fact that Frank's cock keeps falling out of his ass, though. It breaks the moment and leaves Gerard begging for more, but no matter how quick Frank is to push back in, it keeps happening. Frank keeps sliding out and cursing under his breath, reaching out between their bodies over and over again.

"C'mon, motherfucker," he's saying, "Work with me."

He goes back in and grasps Gerard's ass again, squeezing it tight, and Gerard adjusts his position. Gerard realizes that Frank is nervous for some reason; he's shaking and frowning, like he's mad at his own body for failing him in such an important moment. Although Gerard understands why he feels like this, he knows it's not Frank's fault. He tries to encourage Frank every time he has to stop and pull his cock back in, telling him that it's okay, that he can wait. He says, "Hey, how about we switch positions? We tried this, anyway."

Frank sighs and nods, still mad at himself. He doesn't seem to relax just yet. Gerard can only hope that he's alright, because they've had their share of nasty feelings. They had a nice summer, although they tried to prepare themselves for this day. Gerard is scared himself, but he's thankful that he can be with Frank.

Gerard is the one turning them over, laying Frank carefully on the bed and entangling their legs tightly. He pecks Frank's lips, the corner of his mouth, breathes out against his cheek while whispering, "Everything okay?"

"I'm just a little nervous," Frank admits with a small smile. Gerard nods, understanding. He moves to sit on Frank's hips, puts a strand of hair away from his temple and stares at him.

With a sigh, Gerard asks, "You know I love you, don't you?"

"I know, _I do_. I'm sorry about this, there's too much on my mind when there shouldn't be," Frank replies and Gerard lets himself be pulled down by the neck. Frank kisses him deeply, as Gerard adjusts his position on top of Frank, squeezing him hard between his thighs.

He reaches out for the covers again, not to hide them from anything, but to keep the atmosphere in between them. He pulls them around him and they fall over his hips straddling Frank, letting him see everything on their middles but still feeling secluded and safe.

Frank gets another sachet of lube and slicks himself up again, as Gerard watches. He's waiting for the right moment to lift his hips over the head of Frank's dick.

Gerard puts one hand on the headboard to hold himself up while Frank lines his dick up. They're ready. Gerard looks down and Frank is smiling at him, so he presses his body down. He engulfs Frank quickly to the hilt in one go, so easy from the lube and the previous position. Frank moans throatily, but Gerard remains silent. He just watches as Frank closes his eyes and finally relaxes against the bed. Riding him becomes easy soon, with Gerard moving slowly a few times, feeling stretched and full of Frank.

As he moans and watches Frank's delighted face, Gerard thinks of their first weeks together, failing at being boyfriends while being best friends in love with each other. It was awkward, with Gerard not knowing what to say, but knowing that Frank was unsure about their future when he realized that Gerard was as shy as a bunny.

It was difficult to find the perfect place among their differences, Gerard being so self-conscious and fucking terrified of living, and Frank being so lively and perfectly joyful every single day. In the end, it turned out alright. This is why Gerard loves Frank so much. Frank changed him, turned on only the best things in his heart.

Back to the present, Gerard finds Frank watching him with tearful eyes and he has to gulp. That certainly wasn't his intention when losing himself in thought. Gerard stops moving and sits on Frank's hips with Frank's dick buried in his ass. He sighs and asks, "Can you sit up?"

It's awkward to feel Frank moving beneath him, because he's hitting Gerard's spot dead-on, but it's good. Gerard moans and sees, through slit eyes, how Frank is smiling at him again. Gerard helps him sit up and accidentally pulls his dick out, but they work around it together this time. He even lets Frank move back so that he's leaning against the headboard in a comfortable position.

"Everything alright?" Frank asks, softly, his hands on Gerard's hips again as Gerard crawls closer to sit on him again.

"Yeah," Gerard replies. He grabs Frank's cock and slides it in again, but this time they don't moan. They live on that silence and let it wrap them up in a sweet embrace. "I just wanna hold you."

"Okay." Frank's voice is as full of tears as his eyes, so Gerard can only slide his arms around Frank's shoulders and pull him close. He keeps one hand on Frank's neck, the other on Frank's face, while he looks down at Frank with nothing but love. Gerard kisses him hotly as he moves up and down again, going all the way in and half the way out, the covers forgotten behind them.

Frank has his hands on Gerard's back, roaming across the muscles, also moving down to Gerard's ass and squeezing. Gerard moans every time and Frank follows, only sounding a little sad. Gerard pulls them even closer, chest to chest, and moves faster to try and make Frank forget. It seems to work because Frank's moans become louder and frequent, no longer somber.

Soon their rhythm is fast, crazy, their moans become constant and Frank's hands don't let go of Gerard's ass. Gerard keeps his arms around Frank's shoulders, palms now flat against the wall behind the bed, hot skin against the cold surface. They're staring at each other, not letting go, reading each other's feelings in their eyes. It's marvelous, while being pleasurable, downright beautiful when it usually is plain dirty.

At least until there's a knock at the door and it flies open. They have no time to react; Gerard just stops moving and looks toward the door, and his mother comes into view.

"I'm sorry, boys!" she yelps and turns around. Gerard groans and hears Frank voicing something similar, sounding bothered to have been walked in on. That's a first. Gerard's mother's voice sounds again, quickly, "I just wanted to say that Frank's mother called. She'll be here in an hour."

And she leaves, closing the door after her. Gerard closes his eyes and murmurs his answer to no one, "Alright."

Frank is the first one to react, grabbing Gerard's head and kissing his lips, and Gerard squawks in surprise. He feels Frank's smile against his mouth and kisses him harder, while Frank squeezes his ass again and forces him into motion. Gerard does so willingly, not bothering with being sweet. He just goes to town, fast and hard, going crazy with his hips and lips, making them both moan. Suddenly it's all about pleasure.

After all, Gerard is sitting on Frank's lap, satisfying them both with a ride as quick as he can. He moves faster as they make out, panting, starting to sweat. He fucks himself on Frank's dick and it's for real now, with only one goal in mind. To give Frank his orgasm. There's an image of Frank leaving in his head, but that will be in the future, so Gerard focuses on getting those awesome moans from Frank.

He cradles Frank's head against his neck, as the kiss dissolves into nothing, and feels Frank's hands squeezing his flesh harder, like he's getting closer to the edge. Gerard works on that, then, moving and moaning and burying his face in Frank's sweaty hair. He's very close himself and it's very intense, getting Frank off at the same time.

With his hands moving to Frank's arms and squeezing the flesh there, Gerard feels that their climax is definitely closer with every second. He keeps moving, hard and fast, until Frank clutches his hipbones and moans against his collarbone. Frank's coming, shaking and moaning loud, dragging it all out against their sweaty skin. Gerard looks down and sees a small tear ran down Frank's cheek, but Frank is smart and wraps a hand around Gerard's hard cock. He also bites a spot near the base of Gerard's neck, triggering Gerard into his own orgasm. He closes his eyes, forgetting about the tear.

His gut is boiling with this high. It tightens in his balls and crawls all over him, pinching at his muscles and nerve endings, which prolongs the sensations until he feels Frank's hand squeezing him. Gerard bucks forward, bumping heads with Frank. He's arching his back in an angle that makes it hurt, while Frank milks him through it.

Gerard releases a loud growl and stops moving, panting against the side of Frank's head as his fist loosens up on Frank's arm. Frank still pumps him until he's spent and limp, while Gerard remains with his eyes closed and the rest of his senses panging inside his ears.

They fall in a silence that corrodes Gerard's soul. He wants to talk to Frank about this, wants to know what he's feeling about this final moment for them. He's been awfully timid since they came downstairs last night and Gerard hates it. Frank was always the cheerful one in their relationship, and he shouldn't hide what is making him like this. For now, though, Gerard only moves his hands to Frank's bare back, holding him as his cheek falls on Gerard's shoulder.

Gerard decides to pull out because of Frank's issue with over-sensitivity, but Frank still hisses in pain. He soothes it with kisses on Frank's head, and the smile he feels against his neck is reassuring enough. Frank feels better, even if he keeps his head down, but Gerard can respect that.

Instead of worrying too much, Gerard sits on his thighs and removes the condom, ties it up and puts it on the nightstand. They'll take care of it later. He notices that Frank still hasn't looked up, now with his forehead on Gerard's shoulder so he has to do something. He forces Frank's eyes up with a hand under his chin and asks, "What's wrong, Frank?"

What Gerard sees in his eyes is a huge mix of feelings, from love to satisfaction and to misery. It breaks his own heart to realize that Frank is hurting so much. He felt that same way before, the whole summer actually, but now it seems real in a way it never did. It's today, their last day together until Christmas.

Gerard kisses him, just his lips moving against Frank's unresponsive ones. He presses his chest closer. He also feels Frank inhale and pulls away, opening his eyes to look at him, but Frank's are flicked shut. Gerard just watches, a little worried now, as Frank makes a strange face.

"Hey," Gerard starts, but Frank's eyes are suddenly open, wide and a full ocean of brown, dark as Gerard has never seen. It's scary.

"I love you so much," Frank murmurs. His eyes change, Gerard notices after blinking; they change to the usual hazel, but remain clouded with misery and tears. It's the worst kind of heartbreaking.

"I always believed you," Gerard says in a soft voice, trying to be as comforting as possible. Their eyes lock and don't blink until Gerard speaks again. "I always loved you back."

"Thank you," Frank whispers, like he's incapable of speaking out loud. He looks so sad that Gerard has to do something. He hugs him.

He hugs him close and tight, but Frank still makes a weird noise. Gerard has never heard it before, but he can pretty much guess what it is. He closes his eyes when Frank holds him back and rubs the back of Frank's neck, whispering that everything will be okay.

That's when Frank starts shaking and sobbing in the silence, his arms around Gerard's torso all over again.

**

"Are you feeling better?" Gerard hears his grandmother ask. Suddenly he's up from the floor where he was sitting, next to the basement bathroom door.

Earlier, Frank locked himself in there after breaking down into tears in Gerard's embrace. He refused to let Gerard in, no matter how Gerard begged and pleaded for him to open the door, so he called his grandmother. She had spent the night in the guest room upstairs, a request made by Gerard to have her there that morning when Frank left. He didn't think they would need her before that, but she was the only person Frank let in. And it took around twenty minutes of insisting.

In the meantime, Gerard got dressed and then sat down on the floor in front of the bathroom door. He waited there biting his nails and stomping his other hand on his knee. He was not only scared of going to college and leaving Frank now, but of the effect that it would have on Frank. It certainly looked worse than Gerard had expected.

However, now that he hears his grandmother and the door is opening, he forgets about his uneasiness. Gerard gets up and sees Frank immediately, not naked anymore but with a towel around his hips, and he looks better somehow. His face is clean, his eyes are clear and there's a smile on his lips; a small one, but a smile indeed.

"Frank," he calls immediately, in a soft voice, but Frank is busy thanking his grandmother. When she leaves to the stairs and Frank focuses on him, he tries again.

"I'm sorry I broke down," Frank says. Gerard sees that his eyes are still somber.

"Are you okay now?" he inquires, concerned. He didn't feel that good either and talking to his grandmother helped. It seems like it worked for Frank too.

Frank's smile grows wide. "Yes. Your grandmother. She's great, she told me stuff—" Frank starts, but shuts up afterwards when Gerard walks closer and kisses him.

"You don't have to tell me. I just wanted to know what you're okay," Gerard pulls away to say and smiles honestly. Frank smiles back. "She probably told me the same things yesterday."

Frank nods and launches his arms around Gerard's neck to kiss him again. Gerard lets him. He would let Frank do that every day of his life. "I've always had a hunch about where you'd gotten your skills from. She's brilliant all over, just like you." Frank kisses him. "Hey, I've got something for you."

"What's that?" Gerard asks immediately, but Frank pulls him to the bedroom again.

He watches as Frank goes straight to his backpack by the desk in the corner. Gerard frowns when he kneels down to look for something. A T-shirt, so it seems, when Frank gets back up and turns around. Gerard realizes it's a band T-shirt, a band he hadn't heard of until Frank came into his life. Yet that's normal because Frank introduced him to a new style and new music, namely some international rock and hometown punk rock, opposed to the trashy, shitty bands Gerard listened to before. In fact, his CD case is filled with gifts from Frank and Gerard is proud of that.

"I wanted to share something with you before we part and decided to give you this tee," Frank says and holds it as though to present it to Gerard. But he already knows it well, a gory blood bath of skulls representing an EP cover by a hometown creepy band called Us&Them. Gerard has always loved it, actually, the only band they both liked when they met.

"But why?" he asks, still bewildered at the information. "You should have told me. I would have gotten you something too. I didn't think—"

"Shhh. You don't have to give me anything. I just want you to remember me in New York," Frank interrupts him, handing Gerard the T-shirt, all rolled up now.

"I won't need your clothes, trust me," he retorts, taking the garment. He sees Frank nodding and walks close for a short hug. "Thank you. I'll bring you something special for Christmas."

Frank giggles.

**

Later, they're all ready, both dressed and outside. Frank's mother is waiting in her car, having driven to the house to pick Frank up like they have arranged. Gerard knows his flight isn't until the evening, but it's pretty common to have a lot of things to take care of at the last minute. As for Gerard's parents, they're in the house, while his grandmother stands by the open front door.

Gerard and Frank are somewhere midway from the driveway to the door, lost in their world. They're hugging, having been doing so for some time now.

Now that they're close to the end, Gerard doesn't want to let go. It's always difficult to say goodbye to someone you love, even if only for three months. His mind is empty as he enjoys the sweet quietness between them, but Frank stops it when he pulls back and says, "We'll call each other, right?"

Gerard hopes Frank is aware of how much sadness there is in his voice and in his eyes and in the way he holds onto Gerard's elbows. Nevertheless, it's only human to feel that way. Gerard understands that, so he nods first. "And we'll e-mail each other, absolutely. It's just until Christmas."

"Okay." In the next silence, they look at each other. Gerard brings one hand to Frank's face. Frank closes his eyes and murmurs, "I'll miss you every day."

Gerard agrees and replies that he'll miss Frank too, but then he adds, "Don't forget me."

Frank shakes his head, his eyes still closed, at least until Gerard calls his name. Gerard stares at his face, his recently opened eyes, trying to memorize every detail to mentally recall that pretty face in New York. He hopes Frank is doing the same. He smiles softly, then Frank says, "I love you."

"I know." Gerard's answer feels so natural between them that they just grin at each other in response. Gerard notices that Frank's eyes are bright again and he certainly loves to see it; he wishes he could see it every day until December.

He inhales deeply, Frank exhales, and in the next moment they're kissing. It's suddenly eager and demoniac, a true goodbye kiss like words mean nothing.

They take their time, Gerard embracing Frank by the torso, Frank embracing Gerard by the hips. The hug and the kiss seal the moment, reveal the magic of this duo and all the things they lived together. Two years reduced to one minute and they have to reunite Gerard's shyness and Frank's energy, one slowing down the kiss, the other practically climbing up Gerard's body.

_Then he's gone._

Frank pulls away, turns around and is walking down the driveway to get into his mother's car. No more words are exchanged because they decided together to not _say_ goodbye to each other. So Gerard is left standing there and watches Frank getting into the passenger seat with his backpack. He follows every movement as Frank sits down, buckles up his seatbelt and looks at him through the window.

 _I love you too_ , Gerard mouths, without a sound, and it makes Frank smile. He puts his hand on the glass, the wordless goodbye that both of them despise so much.

Gerard feels the hurt directly in his chest, the sudden emptiness he didn't predict, but soon there's a hand on his shoulder. It's as heavy as self-assurance, comforting at the same time and, when he looks down, there is no surprise to see it's his grandmother's.

"It's only until Christmas," she says assertively, nodding. Gerard turns around as the car starts rolling down the street and smiles at his grandmother, focusing on her wise expression. She has helped him so far and she will be there for him until the end of time. 

So he takes her hand and watches her smile back, not brave enough to see the car and Frank in it disappearing at the end of the street.

**Author's Note:**

> Major thanks to [Erika](http://archiveofourown.org/users/kuriositet), who is a great friend and a wonderful beta. She pulls my ears and gets me on the right track, and the result is a story that I end up loving even more. I rediscover myself in the process, thank you for that.  
> And also thanks to [Megan](http://frankcest.tumblr.com) and [Cinthia](http://gerardspatronusisaponcho.tumblr.com) for the last minute help with paragraphs. And for being excited for this. I love y'all ♥♥♥
> 
>  
> 
> **There is only one story left for this 'verse. The great finale is a week or two away.**


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